© 2017 by Ian Buckley

Extract from First Timers

RedNeedle Productions presents Realife TV

Written & produced by Ian Buckley

It was directed by David Gillies.

The actors were:
Claire - Kelda Holmes
Edward - Terry Sue Patt
Simon - Jason Rush

PLOT SYNOPSIS:
A desperate young man seeks sexual release. A young girl is forced into prostitution. For both it’s a first.


EDWARD BARTLET.... young man of mixed race (West Indian - English), 16 yrs
CLAIRE HARMON....... young woman, 16 yrs

EXTRACT:
In this scene Claire pushes Edward into some sort of action while steering him away from anything she'll find too unpleasant


A room in a block of flats

CLAIRE: (SUDDENLY DECISIVE) Right. Shall we start?

EDWARD: Start?

CLAIRE: What are you after?

SHE STUBS OUT HER CIGARETTE. SHE LOOKS
DIRECTLY AT EDWARD.

EDWARD: God I...well I...I...

CLAIRE: Well, you could touch my breasts. Or I could give you a hand-job. Or d'you like swinging from the chandelier with your socks on?

EDWARD: I...I...christ, I hadn't thought.

CLAIRE: Hadn't thought?

EDWARD: Not as such.

CLAIRE: What - you came up here with no idea?

EDWARD: Well I...had a sort of general idea. You know - enjoy myself. But I hadn't narrowed it down, like, to anything special.

CLAIRE: Well, you'd better hadn't you.

EDWARD: Yeah.

EDWARD FLOUNDERS.

CLAIRE: What do you usually do?

EDWARD: Usually?

CLAIRE: That's what I said.

EDWARD: Well I...I...nothing.

CLAIRE: Come again?

EDWARD: I can't say 'usually' because I don't usually do it. I mean this is my first time.

CLAIRE: What, first time ever?

EDWARD: (A LITTLE TOO QUICKLY) Not first time ever. You must be joking. No, first time like this I mean. With a...you know.

CLAIRE: You mean you've never paid for it before?

EDWARD: I don't need to.

CLAIRE: You any idea what it costs?

EDWARD: No.

CLAIRE: It's not cheap.

EDWARD: Is it dear?

CLAIRE: If you want to go all the way - and that's with nothing wierd - it's eighty pounds.

EDWARD: Eighty?

CLAIRE: For five minutes. And if you do want anything wierd you're talking about a hundred and fifty.

EDWARD: Shit.

CLAIRE: That's the price. Out of your range?

EDWARD: Unless my mate lends me some.

CLAIRE: The one who followed us here?

EDWARD: Followed us?

CLAIRE: I'm not daft. Every time I sneaked a look you were making signs at each other.

EDWARD: Oh. Right. Well, he's o.k. He's just...

CLAIRE: Holding your hand?

EDWARD: He had nothing to do. I let him come. You know what mates are like.

CLAIRE: How much d'you have on you?

EDWARD: Fifty.

CLAIRE: Fifty. My god. Fifty. Let's see what I can do for fifty. (SHE WALKS AROUND DEEP IN THOUGHT) Hand-massage. And that's about it.

EDWARD: Massage?

CLAIRE: I don't mean your shoulder-blades.

EDWARD: Oh right.

CLAIRE: It may seem a lot but I'm young. The younger I am, the dearer it is. If I was a virgin I could charge hundreds to lose it. That's how it is in this game. Bad innit?

EDWARD: Would it be cheaper if I went with an older woman?

CLAIRE: Not if she was beautiful. Beauty is very precious when you're selling your body you know. And if you're young and beautiful - that's the best.

THEY BOTH GULP THEIR VODKA

You can squeeze my tits for thirty. Provided you're gentle. Alright, you can kiss and squeeze, but that's it. Nothing below the waist. They're bigger than they look.

EDWARD: No. God. I wasn't thinking that. Look, why don't I ask my mate for some money. If I'm paying thirty for a massage I might as well find the rest.

CLAIRE: It's not worth it. I'm telling you - what did you say your name was?

EDWARD: Ed'.

CLAIRE: I'm telling you Ed, don't waste your money.

EDWARD: (THINKS) I still think I'll go for intercourse.

CLAIRE: The massage is lovely. And much better value. If I was a man I'd definitely go for that. It lasts longer, it's full of variety - the way I do it anyway.

EDWARD: I'll stick with the intercourse.

CLAIRE: You sure?

EDWARD: Well, yeah. If that's o.k.?

CLAIRE: I'm sorry but it's not.

EDWARD: It's not?

CLAIRE: That's what I said.

EDWARD: Not even if I find the other thirty?

CLAIRE: Not even then.

EDWARD: Oh right. Fair enough. Why?

CLAIRE: Because.

EDWARD: Because what?

CLAIRE: Just because, that's all.

EDWARD: Am I the wrong colour or something?

CLAIRE: 'S nothing to do with that.

EDWARD: You don't fancy me then?

CLAIRE: Don't be stupid.

EDWARD: You do fancy me then?

CLAIRE: I never said that.

EDWARD: Do you or don't you?

CLAIRE: You're quite nice...

EDWARD: Then why won't you...

CLAIRE: 'Can't' I said. You want to listen. God, aren't men thick. Isn't it obvious? (IT ISN'T TO EDWARD) That certain time of the month? Women's problems...you know?

EDWARD TRIES TO PUZZLE THIS OUT. SLOWLY IT
BEGINS TO DAWN ON HIM WHAT CLAIRE MEANS

EDWARD: Oh, that.

CLAIRE: Yes, that.

EDWARD: Oh right. I'm with you now.

CLAIRE: I never do it while I'm...

EDWARD: Why don't I come back next week?

CLAIRE: Why don't you choose from the two I offered?

EDWARD: I'll have more money. You won't have a...period.

CLAIRE: Look, you've got this far, you might as well stay and do something. It doesn't stop you coming back next week as well does it?

EDWARD: Right.

CLAIRE LIGHTS UP ANOTHER CIGGY

CLAIRE: Look, as a special favour, because I like you, I'll do the massage for thirty. It's below the rate but if anyone asks I'll say you squeezed my tits as well. They won't be any the wiser, the people I work for. And we'll both be happy. Whaddyou say?

EDWARD: Well, if you're sure you don't mind...?

CLAIRE: I don't.

SHE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM. SEES HARD
CHAIR. WALKS TO IT, PLACES IT IN THE MIDDLE OF
THE ROOM, FACING AWAY FROM AUDIENCE.

O.K. then. If you just sit here.

EDWARD: Sit?

CLAIRE: Yes, sit.

EDWARD SITS ON THE CHAIR WITH HIS BACK TO
THE AUDIENCE. CLAIRE MEANWHILE RUMMAGES
ABOUT THE ROOM, UNTIL SHE FINDS AN OLD
NEWSPAPER. SHE OPENS IT, LAYS IT DOWN ON
THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF EDWARD.

I can't turn the light off in case you ask. It's a rule. You're not allowed to turn the light off with a first-timer.

EDWARD: Yeah, well, I bet you get some funny types...

CLAIRE: Right. You ready?

EDWARD: Too right.

CLAIRE: Well then...as soon as you've paid, we'll start.

EDWARD: Oh yeah. Sorry. Right. Money.

EDWARD TRIES TO TAKE HIS NOTES OUT OF HIS
JEANS POCKET WHILST REMAINING SEATED. THE
JEANS ARE TIGHT, AND AS HE PULLS HE TEARS
ONE OF THE NOTES.

SHIT. (HE HOLDS UP THE TORN NOTE) Would you...look at that.

CLAIRE: Not right through?

EDWARD: Well - sort of.

CLAIRE: All of them?

EDWARD: (LOOKING AT ALL THE NOTES) Only one right through. But it's a tenner.

CLAIRE: Oh no.

EDWARD: Well it's the way I'm sitting. I can't get anything out of my pocket.

CLAIRE: You could've stood up.

EDWARD: I didn't like to after you sat me down.

CLAIRE INSPECTS THE TWO HALVES OF THE NOTE

CLAIRE: That still legal?

EDWARD: God, yeah, it's legal. You just stick them together.

CLAIRE: What with?

EDWARD: Anything. Cellotape.

CLAIRE: Cellotape?

EDWARD: As long as the edges fit and the number's clear.

CLAIRE: Are you sure?

EDWARD: Yeah. If you want to get it really flat, just iron it first.

CLAIRE: What - warm or hot?

EDWARD: Warm. Or hot. Doesn't matter.

CLAIRE: You don't have any other notes?

EDWARD: Not on me.

CLAIRE CONTINUES TO STUDY THE TORN NOTE

You never had a ripped note before?

CLAIRE: Not right through like that.

EDWARD: People just cellotape them up and carry on as normal. They all get burned in the end anyway.

CLAIRE TAKES THE TWO PIECES AND PUTS THEM
INTO HER BAG ALONG WITH THE TWO FIVERS

CLAIRE: Cellotape you say?

EDWARD: That's it.

CLAIRE: I'll stick it then.

EDWARD: Right.

CLAIRE: Right.

EDWARD: Fine.

CLAIRE: Right. (PAUSE) Good. (PAUSE) Well. (PAUSE) That's it then.

EDWARD: Yeah.

CLAIRE: O.K., we'd er... Oh god, before I forget, don't look at me. If you look at me I'll stop. I can't help it, I'm sorry. I've always been like it. If I'm doing it and a man looks at me I get embarrassed.

EDWARD: I'll look at the ceiling.

CLAIRE: Right. Well. Let's start.

HE SITS ON A CHAIR NEXT TO HIM, FACING THE
AUDIENCE. HE HAS HIS BACK TO THE AUDIENCE.
SHE TAKES A DEEP BREATH, CLOSES HER EYES
AND MASSAGES HIS GROIN. EDWARD IS STARING
UP AT THE CEILING

SHE DOES THIS FROM SOME TIME LOOKING
TOTALLY AT SEA

O.K.?

EDWARD: (JUST AS EMBARRASSED) Yeah.

SHE CONTINUES IN THE SAME ACTIVITY FOR SOME
TIME

CLAIRE: Nice?

EDWARD: Very.

SHE CONTINUES AS BEFORE

CLAIRE: I'll keep doing it then.

EDWARD: If that's alright.

CLAIRE: No problem.

SHE CONTINUES

Still nice?

EDWARD: Yeah.

CLAIRE: Good.

SHE CONTINUES AS BEFORE BUT HER
CONCENTRATION IS WANDERING

God, I wonder if...d'you mind if I have a look?

EDWARD: What for?

CLAIRE: Cellotape. (SHE STANDS AND WALKS TO A SIDE-BOARD) I won't be two ticks. I can't get that torn note. out of my mind.

END OF EXTRACT

FIRST TIMERS - developed Soho Theatre’s writer-director workshops. Production, Duke’s Head, March 1st - 31st 1992. 1hr 20mins | 2M 1F